Re; Is it Lust or Love?

Dear Zazie,

Well of course, I am speakin’ selfishly of my self regarding my position that true love starts with lust.  And I will further elaborate that, generally speakin’, true love starts with at least one of the two parties involved bein’ in lust with the other.  We could be dealin’ with a gender issue.  Maybe my theory applies mostly to men, although I have talked to other women who support my position and I know of one famous woman who confirmed my theory, Jane Fonda. I read an interview with her where she was asked about her new love.  She basically said it started with sex which is where all great relationships start.  I will try to further elucidate my opinion.

Suppose I am at a party with friends havin’ a good time.  Perhaps drinkin’ a Guiness or a single malt scotch, when of a sudden; I notice a beautiful woman I have never seen before.  I am immediately besotted, totally captivated by her.  It seems as if all of the light in the room is attracted to her.  I am, to use an overused phrase, blown away and I know of nothin’ except that I must go talk to her.  My breath has been taken.  Everything else pales and falls to the wayside as I make my way towards her.

Now, am I in love with her at this point?  Certainly not.  Am I in lust with her?  You are dang right I am!  When I introduce myself to her there are several possible outcomes:

  • She is equally infatuated with me and we spend the rest of the evenin’ talkin’ to each other.  She is smart and funny and vibrant.  She gets my humour.  We discover that we have much in common.  We agree that we must see each other again.  The seed of true love has been planted.  This could grow in to true love.
  • She is equally infatuated with me and we start talkin’ to each other.  But somethin’ is missin’.  She is all hat and no cattle, as we say on the ranch.  I discover that we do not have much in common.  What develops after that?  Well, a gentlemen does not talk out of school; suffice to say that it will not be true love.
  • She is not infatuated with me (How could that be!  Shockin’ I know, but we shall pretend.)  She is smart and funny and vibrant.  We discover that we have much in common.  Now, is it possible that if I am persistent I could win her over?  Sure that is possible.  True love could grow.  But notice it still started with one of us in lust.
  • She looks at me as if I were an insect or maybe an urban cowboy.  She summarily dismisses me.  Oh well, it cannot be said that I did not try.  True love ain’t growin’ here.

Hold on, there is one more possiblity to consider at our fictional party.  Suppose I am approached by a woman that I saw but she did not initially captivate me.  I am a gentleman who could always use another friend, so we start talkin’.  One measure of succes in life is the depth and breadth of one’s friendships.  She is smart and funny and vibrant.  She gets my humour.  We discover that we have much in common.  She is in lust with me but for whatever reason, I am not with her.  If she is persistent, could she win me over?  Yes, it is possible.  True love could grow from her lust.

Hope that helps clear up my previous posts and I hope you have a good Monday!

Still, R


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