You Do Not Know Love – Jett’s Response

Dear Zazie,

For edification and for those who may have joined this program already in progress, let me summarize.  For 25 years, I was in and out of several long term relationships, all founded on lust, non were true love, all ended not well, all my fault.

Have I felt true love for anyone?  The answer is no and I do not believe anyone has felt true love for me.  I think at the time, I broke some hearts, but I did them a favor by leavin’.  I was a relationship basket case.  I had no business being in a relationship.  Everything was built on lies and deception.  Unfortunately, I learned at the feet of a master manipulator, liar and conniver; my mother.  I wish I could have been like Rhett.  He figured out how not to get into any committed relationships, other than his one great true love.  Regrets?  Oh please, I have plenty.  I could fill a graveyard with my buried regrets.  As for whether they had reason to nag me, absolutely.

Yes, here I am now miserably married.  She does not know that I am miserable.  She is too wrapped up in herself.  She has never loved me.  She loved who she wanted me to be.  She is another master manipulator, liar and conniver.  Sometimes I think we ended up together because we deserve each other.  The silent suffering is not fair to anyone.  I do it to protect the kids.  I am convinced she would use them to their detriment in a divorce.  So far, I have been able to manage it so that they have no idea.  I will not allow any loud arguments to occur, so they are isolated from the misery and suffering.  I am just tryin’ to hang on until they get older.

Would I cheat on her?  Can I dodge the question by sayin’ she has cheated on me?  She thinks I do not know.  At the time I did not give a damn.  I was hopin’ she would leave me.  Around that time, I did meet a woman at a bar and we flirted and kissed, but nothin’ came of it.  Would I cheat on her?  The best I can do is say probably not.  It would not help the situation.

As for lovin’ myself and bein’ honest with myself and others; well I do not know how I could be more honest with myself.  And as for bein’ honest with her and lies killin’ and darkenin’ the soul; it is called survival.  I make no apologies for survivin’ and protectin’ my children.

I choose to look at the bright side; the pain and sufferin’ has been a wonderful muse.  I have channeled my feelins’ into my poems and lyrics.

Ever, J

Click here for Zazie’s reply!
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One Comment on "You Do Not Know Love – Jett’s Response"

  1. cybermagnetik
    22/05/2011 at 8:07 pm Permalink

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